Ugh. He’s not a ‘fake dom’ and I wish that kind of language would go away. He’s a man who has said loudly and proudly that he doesn’t care about his partner’s consent: That makes him a rapist.

This has nothing to do with doms or subs or D/s or BDSM, and couching it in some discussion of ‘SSC’ or cloak of ‘protocol or not’ or ‘dom or not’ is a red herring and completely irrelevant. Once someone, ANYONE, says “I don’t care about your consent” they are declaring themselves a rapist.

And you know what? Some very much ‘non-fake doms’ are fucking rapists.

well done that person

He’s a rapist AND a fake Dom. He’s a rapist for not giving a shit about consent, and a fake Dom for trying to use the Lifestyle as an excuse, when he obviously knows nothing about it.

Absolutely right. People like this are being called fake Doms/Dommes/Tops not otherwise specified, not because they aren’t also rapists, but because we have an obligation to self-regulate our community - which means helping people to recognize dangerous abusers and differentiate them from educated, respectful, responsible Doms/Dommes/Tops not otherwise specified.

In a perfect world, one would not be considered a Dom/Domme/Top in our community unless they followed SSC/SCC (Safe, “Sane” Consensual, or as some prefer Safe, Critically Aware, Consensual). A person could have been in this community for the past 20 - even 40 years, identifying as a Dom, but if their actions within the community do not reflect that, kitten is NOT going to put them on the level with real Doms who have earned their honorific title and reputation both publicly and privately. It is both out of respect for actual Doms and clear need to distinguish our community from these rapists and their clear lack of respect for our community’s rules that we do identify them as fake.

Thanks to little or no understanding of actual BDSM, popular media does a good enough job painting all Doms (this time kitten is specifically referring to male Doms, and to a lesser degree all kinksters in general) as unstable and/or dangerous psychopaths. Actively debunking that stereotype, and making it clear abusers and rapists are NOT WELCOME to appropriate our titles and hide within our communities can only help us to differentiate ourselves and make our community safer. We can’t do that if we’re indiscriminately willing to name any old abuser who insists on the title a “Dom.”

My god I do love shakekittenstreatbox shes a lovely lady and this comment she’s made is perfect! -Luna

Wow…that asshole sounds like one of my exes.