dear bisexual / pansexual women and political lesbians,
you need to immediately disclose to any woman you plan on dating if you are, in fact, a lesbian, or if you are something else. some lesbians are open to dating bi / pan / PL ladies. some are not. withholding this information is harmful, deceitful behavior that can make lesbians feel unsafe and devalued.
picture it: you’re a lesbian, looking to start a relationship. you meet a woman who claims that she, too, is a lesbian. this signifies that you have, at the very least, a shared sexuality, and you can bond about your experience as a woman who is attracted exclusively to women, which is outside of the patriarchal, heterocentric structure of the vast majority of societies.
now, imagine that you, a lesbian who is incapable of being attracted to men, get a confession from your girlfriend: she discloses to you that, yeah, actually, she could possibly be with a man and feel emotionally and sexually fulfilled. she, as a bi- or pansexual, is capable of thinking about having sex with a man and not feeling revulsion. your initial feeling of intimacy and security related to the sharing of a sexuality - one of the most basic aspects of your being, which is essential to you - is gone.
wouldn’t that hurt? wouldn’t that make you feel insecure? wouldn’t you get angry, if you were put into that position?
You know what would hurt me?
If I was in a relationship with a lesbian and her finding out I am bi was some sort of horrific secret that must be confessed like some shameful pox.
The fact that bisexual women are seen as being dirty or alien because we have or feel the capacity to be in intimate relationships with men is HARMFUL. It is biphobic and it is disgusting.
The entire notion that bi women are less valuable and less desirable as partners because we have and/or have the capacity to be intimate with men is so blatantly biphobic and bigoted that I can’t believe I even have to explain it.
How about THIS: Biphobic lesbians who would feel betrayed and insecure because of a bi partners identity have an OBLIGATION to disclose that they are biphobic assholes when they enter into a relationship, in case any bi woman they are interested in was unaware of what an asshole they are.