just because you are in a bdsm relationship does not mean it can’t be abusive. i found some questions online here and here that could help someone decide if their relationship is abusive. i will be doing a post on getting out of an abusive relationship in a little bit. remember, BDSM is not abuse it is consensually so if you don’t consent to any of the following below, it may be abusive
- Are you afraid of your dom/sub/switch?
- Do they threaten to leave or abandon you of you don’t dominate/submit?
- Do they threaten violence if you don’t dominate/submit?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch give you expensive gifts to get you to do something you don’t honestly want to do?
- Do they make you feel guilty if you can’t or won’t do something?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch make you feel ugly and unwanted?
- Have you ever felt like you have been raped after having sex with the Dominant/submissive/switch?
- Do they ignore your needs, such as medical treatment, food or clothing?
- Have they ever questioned your loyalty when you question their behavior?
- Does your Dominant/submissive/switch ignore your limits or safe words?
- Does the Dominant/submissve/switch restrict you from having friends over or going over to see your friends?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch threaten to leave you whenever you tell them that you don’t want to do something?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch restrict you from contact with your family?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch get upset with you when you try and talk about the problems you are having?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch make you feel bad if you question them?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch make fun of or belittle your religious beliefs?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch go away for long periods of time with no explanation and refuse to discuss it with you or get angered when you ask?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch attempt to force you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable?
- Have you ever felt dirty or cheap after being with your Dominant/submissive/switch?
- Have you ever felt like the Dominant/submissive/switch is hiding something important?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever hit you in anger?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch ever tell you not to talk to others about your relationship?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch restrict you from speaking with their past partners?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever threatened you or became enraged when you tell them no?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever given your services away without consulting you or without your consent?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever brought another individual into the relationship without consulting you or without your consent?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch demand to know your ware bouts at all times and still checks up on you?
- Have others told you that you should be careful or expressed concern about the Dominant/submissive/switch and your well being?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever talked bad about you to another Dominant/submissive/switch?
- When you have questioned the Dominant/submissive/switch have they ever said that they don’t have to defend themselves against lies?
- Has the dominant/submissive/switch ever made you do something that you were physically or emotionally unable to do?
- Since you have been with the Dominant/submissive/anxiety have you experienced an abnormal amount of depression or anxiety?
- Since you have been with the Dominant/submissive/switch have you thought about committing suicide?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch make you feel that your opinion does not matter?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch punish you without explaining why?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch express jealousy whenever you mention other past relationships?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch take all your money and refuse to give you enough to cover your basic needs?
- Have you ever second-guessed your decision to be in the relationship?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever questioned your loyalty when you question their behavior?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever knowingly let you go without necessary medical attention or medication?
- Have you ever felt lonely even in the presence of your Dominant/submissive/switch?
- Does the Dominant/submissive/switch punish you publicly or in front of others?
- Has the Dominant/submissive/switch ever refused to speak about his or her past?
with all this being said, some of this is not a sign of an abusive relationship if consent was taken prior (example 42, lots of people get off on public humiliation so if everyone involved has taken consent there is no problem). please know the signs and if you think you are in an abusive relationship, try to get out.
i know it is hard but i am here for you 24/7 and there are tons of helpful sites out there. you can do better, i believe in you. getting out of an abusive relationship is the best thing you can do whether it be physical, mentally, or emotionally abusive.
stay safe, stay kinky, and remember CONSENT IS FUCKING REQUIRED